Erotic Thought of The Day
Speaking Of Fucked Up Amounts of Money....
You know that tape of a factory defected real doll humping on a pile of hairy caca? Well, Spencer Pratt has pulled the pricing gun out of his culo and stamped that tape with a bright orange sticker that reads: $5 MILLION. This is what Spencer told TMZ anyways.
Steve Hirsch of Vivid, who is negotiating with Spencer for the tape, doesn't seem to think this amount is totally and utterly fucked up. Right now in a control room up in heaven God has just opened up the clear box covering up thee red button. His finger is hovering above it as Bea Arthur, his second in command, shouts, "Just push beadammit!"
Spencer also tells TMZ that he has enough footage to fill an entire website, "I will knock Club Jenna out of the water. When I realized how much Kim [Kardashian] was making, my logic is this is the best thing I can do for my ex-wife. Kim is on the cover of Allure right now. Heidi isn’t on the cover of Allure."
To reiterate, Vivid might pay $5 million for a Twit and Twat sex tape! A sex tape! $5 million for a snuff film I can sort of see, but not a regular sex tape!
But in all seriousness, this couldn't be more of a scam even if Spencer said the tape also starred an exiled Nigerian prince, a free Rolex watch, a sexy Russian bride and a box of 93% 0ff Pfizer.
Guest star in the Speidi Sextape - Z list celebrity Karissa Shannon
Of Course: A Twit & Twat Sex Tape Is Coming Soon!
On their "101 Ways to be a Famewhore" list, Twit and Twat have already crossed out "get fake married, "get fake everything installed into body, "get fake divorced," and now they are slowly taking a Sharpie to "release fuck tape." Even the broke down psychic cat in Santa Monica could've predicted this mess.
TMZ brings us the inevitable news that Spencer is trying to sell a sex tape starring him and Heidi Montag to the highest bidder. Spencer has already offered it up to Vivid Entertainment. Vivid's Steve Hirsch had this to say, "I just got off the phone with Spencer Pratt about a sex tape with Heidi Montag. We are in early negotiations to possibly come to terms for a deal."
Watching a half-melted Dollar Tree plastic doll lying on top of a patch of mangy butt hair from a blonde mutt is probably more exciting than Heidi and Spencer's fuck tape, but I'd still press play on that shit. There's been so many times that I've stared at the mound of fleshy hair growing on the giant penis head on top of Spencer's neck and wondered if the theme continues down below to his crotch area. FLESH PUBES!
And seriously, Heidi's probably not even in the tape. It's just Spencer and his anal crystals.